(Disclaimer: I have not yet proofread this entry for typos 🦋 for it is late 🦋 I will revise tomorrow)
Wow here I am visiting my old “home” of O’ahu Hawaii. Remembering oh yes remembering what seems to be an ancient memory of a life I once loved… youthful innocent and bliss turned to failed attempts to belong to fit in to excel in my own truth and path. Recalling a distant memory of scarcity consciousness of having not the faith and trust I have now, predominantly that is. As I do feel as though when our past is not addressed and discord lingers unmended it creeps up into our present which perpetuatally becomes the future we are creating. Day by day we have these incredible opportunities to succeed on our life’s path to do exactly what we came here to do. Yet often our previous actions and choices may be stifling our growth and excellence. We may be great people we may not have deliberately made the choices we have in our past. We may have never done anything outrageous or appalling yet if we are not at peace with ourselves and our past we must address these issues. We may need to contact people from years gone by and apologize for our inability to see clearly in our younger years, we may need to ask for forgiveness from God from ourselves from anyone and everyone that comes to mind even if we don’t feel guilty of anything profound enough to say “I’m sorry for the things I may have done when I was younger and not aware of my true self” whatever these words may be. It feel extremely emancipating to alone think from this place of accountability. To live from this place and to recalibrate in the awareness of this way of living.
Wow what immense revelations are stirring for me right now. Not for me alone. I have a feeling that others may suffer from this pitfall when we are destined for incredible windfalls. So here I am devoted to elevating and awakening the human experience yet I have these skeletons hidden so well from sight that even I myself could not before recognize their shadows. In that deep devotion and the passion of desire to create such magnificent opportunities for not myself alone but rather the collective consciousness of at least our mainstream western society. I feel drawn to this journey of peace making with my past. In mediation in daily kundalini practice I feel so aligned with the truth of my soul the divine anchor of light of love of forgiveness. Yet these past years of focused Sadhana = daily devotional practice & discipline, something has been missing. Though i dive so deep I devote so much of my life to meditative and yogic practice… I can see clearly now that this alone is not enough to experience true freedom to create the dream I have come to this life to express. I see that it takes so much accountability and honesty with ourselves for our past, so we may have been young untrained and unequipped with the necessary tools to take on all that has come to us. Yes we make mistakes we mess up and yet a part of us may be unconsciously still tethered to the past which may be inhibiting our full power and momentum to truly move forward.
I am embarking on a personal exploration and somewhat of an experiment to see if this theory – revelation proves to be true.
The thing about kundalini yoga is that it is cumulative and it allows awareness to blossom spontaneously when the time is right. Though I may have been studying and practicing for years it may have taken today’s mantra meditation combined with the hundreds of hours if not thousands I’ve spent alike.
I will keep you all posted as to how this goes. For the benefit of all… those of my past – present and future including my own self realization.